This blog post is dedicated to all the graduating seniors in the University of North Carolina’s Class of 2019. GO HEELS!
In 2012, Marina Keegan wrote an essay for her school newspaper titled, "The Opposite of Loneliness." It was published the night before her college graduation. And as we barrel faster and faster towards the end of my own college experience, her words resonate: Not because I’m nervous to join the real world, but because of all I’m leaving behind. She writes:
“We don't have a word for the opposite of loneliness, but if we did, I could say that's what I want in life. What I’m grateful and thankful to have found at this university, and what I’m scared of losing when we wake up and leave this place. It's not quite loving, and it's not quite a community; it's just this feeling that there are people, an abundance of people, who are in this together.”
Who are on your team.
When the check is paid, but you stay at the table.
When it's 4:00am, and no one goes to bed.
That night with the guitar.
That night we can't remember.
That time we did,
we went,
we saw,
we felt.
Marina died in a car crash three days later... two days after her college graduation. She was gone before she even had the chance to experience whatever-the-hell comes next.
The opposite of loneliness… Marina put it better than I ever could. It’s something we’re all searching for - and yet, something we find difficult to put into words. It’s not easily described. But it’s something I found at UNC.
A place that makes us feel safe and accepted and part of something… even on those shitty mornings when we stumble out of bed — hungry, tired, barely awake. We’ve surrounded myself with groups that make us feel loved and safe and part of something… even on our loneliest nights when we stumble home to our computers — partner-less, exhausted, awake.
For those of us graduating, we won’t have this next year. We won’t live on the same block as all our friends. We won’t have a million group-texts . And that’s scary. More than finding the right job or city or spouse – I’m scared of losing this web we’re in. This elusive, indefinable, opposite of loneliness. This feeling I feel right now.
On Leaving
As graduation rears its ugly head, those of us in our final year are also becoming acutely aware of all the things we wish we did: our readings, that cute boy across the hall...
But the thing is, nobody did college perfectly. Nobody went to ~every~ party. Nobody did all of the readings (except maybe your b-school friend who's working for Goldman Sachs). We set our standards impossibly high and will probably never live up to the fantasy of our perfect future-self. I slept in too late. Procrastinated. Let myself down. More than once I’ve looked back on my High School self and thought: How did I do that? How did I work so hard? Our insecurities follow us and will always follow us.
But over the course of the last four years, UNC taught me how to celebrate that. By celebrating our faults, our failures, our darkest days and happiest hours, our glorious triumphs and hilarious defeats, we share with one another what it means to be a human being. And the more we grew together, the more I realized that we could do anything. And we can still do anything, for the rest of our lives we can do ANYTHING. We can change our minds. We can start over. The notion that it’s too late to do anything is comical. It’s hilarious. We’re so young. We can’t MUST not lose this sense of possibility... because in the end, it’s all we have. And as long as we trust in each other, everything is going to work out wonderfully.
So as I venture off into the real world, there are a few things to keep in mind…
Anything is possible when you trust in yourself and those around you.
Surround yourself with love.
Keep playing.
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